


A Work In Progress

by Xanateria



Category: Burn Notice
Genre: F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-11
Updated: 2012-06-11
Packaged: 2017-11-07 12:30:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/431220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xanateria/pseuds/Xanateria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a spy makes a lot of things complicated, especially your sex life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Work In Progress

**Author's Note:**

> I imagine this fic taking place sometime in the early days of season 2, but it doesn’t really matter. Written for QueerFest 2012, with profound thanks to Datista, for the lightening fast beta read.

Sex is business. Most people would assume that's true for those who make their living from sex. But, it's very often true for spies, too.

Sometimes it's about closing the deal. I’ve purchased everything from weapons to camels to passage out of third world countries. Let’s just say, sometimes money is not quite enough. Other times it's an incentive. Sex sells, but it also helps persuade people to do things they might not otherwise, like keep you alive. 

If you are less choosy about your employers than you should be, it might be what your colleagues use to coerce cooperation on any number of things. Sometimes, it’s more than a threat. 

Some people use it as a weapon, though that's usually more indirect. A lot of targets are much more talkative than they should be right before or right after their liaisons. Almost all of them underestimate the woman - or man- they think is only around for sex.

You might think things would be simpler in a world where some of the lines get blurry. After all, I work with a lot of people I only see once. Most of my colleagues are somewhat flexible morally. But, I live in a world based more on appearances than reality a lot of the time. Before I was burned, I earned a reputation as a ladies man. Trouble is, I didn’t earn it as myself, I earned it while I’d become a whole host of other men who only existed as aliases. If you tell yourself something long enough, you can even start to believe it yourself. For a long time it was easier to simply let myself believe I was only interested in women. I have no objections to those who prefer their own gender, or who are outside the mainstream, when it comes to sex, but I just didn’t want any added complications, at home or at work. But, working as a spy is all about being able to adapt, if the situation calls for it. There are some things I wouldn't have tried if not for work. 

There was Enrique, my first guy. I needed a reason to be at a gay bar for a while to gather some intel. I couldn’t very well tell him I wasn’t interested. And it wasn’t exactly a hardship; he was easy on the eyes, had a great body, and had plenty of experience to make up for my complete lack. I wasn’t used to not knowing what to do, but he let me think he believed me when I said I was just shy. Even better, he was decent enough that he cared whether I enjoyed myself as much as he did. I made it up to him later. What can I say, I’m a fast learner.

My first threesome came as a surprise, to me anyway. I ended up stuck in the back end of nowhere in Bolivia. Your typical power struggle between rival arms dealers that I’d been asked to defuse, through whatever means were necessary. I dealt with the situation at hand with the help of some local contacts that included Pilar and Alejandro. About my age, and so happily married it bordered on nauseating. My next assignment hadn’t come through, and lodging wasn’t exactly plentiful, so I accepted their offer and stayed in their guest house. 

My first night there, I heard them, up in their bedroom, after we finished drinks. I should have closed my window and found another way to occupy myself, but I didn’t. They enjoyed each other so much, had so much passion. It was hot as hell and I couldn’t help the pang of disappointment I felt when I finished myself off before I fell asleep.

I gave myself a stern talking to the following night. I told myself I would mind my own business, and find a willing partner once I was back in the States. After dinner, I took a shower. I came out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel slung low around my hips. 

Still, I had on more than my host and hostess, who lounged on my bed and wore nothing more than matched inviting smiles. Before I had a chance to be surprised, Pilar shook her long, chocolate brown hair out of her eyes and smiled at me. “We wanted a chance to ask you a very personal question. You see, we have found that variety – under the right circumstances – is the key to happier marriage. Would you like to join us?” 

Ever the perfect hostess, she made it clear there would be no terrible consequences if I declined. I didn’t seriously consider saying no. Threesomes can be awkward and strange. This one was about as far from that as you can get. I didn’t have a chance to wonder who did what, when. I was too busy being thoroughly taken advantage of in all the best ways. 

There were other times, other first experiences: the first time I only got to watch, or let someone tie me up, or that it got rougher than I expected. I could name firsts for a good long while. The point is, I didn't expect any of it. Hell, I didn't expect to like most of it as much as I did. That’s not to say I regret it, only that I had to start considering myself a work in progress.

The agency doesn't care who we sleep with, so long as it's inside their rules, more or less. They frown on personal attachments outside of their established parameters, but they don't really care about things like gender. They take note of where they get their working capital, and in some cases where they were born. Beyond that, it's not considered relevant - unless you want to play office politics. I don't exactly play well with others, so that's not an issue for me.

The excitement of it all is what lures a lot of people to the business. What rookies don't know is that the excitement is punctuated by long stretches of tedium and routine. Added to that, there’s enough heat some days to stand in for a slightly lesser hell.

When your life is a series of adrenaline rushes, strung between long stretches of legwork or waiting, sometimes you need more than the usual to get off. I don't enjoy dominating people very often. But, every so often I need that extra bit of control, especially coming off of an assignment that ended way past badly.

And it's nice to be on the flip side and be able to give up control. Of course, it has to be with the right person, within the right limits. Almost no one I know would believe I said so, but you know what they say. Some things are true whether you believe them or not.

And when something happens to break up the monotony, it is often exciting, but in many cases it is also life threatening. If you're smart, when you miss getting blown to bits by scant seconds, or dodge a bullet by a hair, you learn from it, and call it a win. The human instinct to reaffirm you are alive is a powerful thing. When you make it through a bad situation, sometimes your choices on the other side aren't exactly about the status quo. In my experience, it doesn't matter if you like each other. That’s a lesson I first learned in the military, but I relearned it in covert ops – repeatedly. 

Like everything else in life, there are exceptions. Hell, there are people who are exceptions to all the rules: Fiona, for instance. But what I have with her isn’t just about sex. That's about love.

She's not big on saying the words. I have to admit, neither am I. I didn't exactly grow up in a touchy-feely family. I may not be able to tell her, but that's ok, because I show her. Actions speak louder than words.

More than anything, I've learned life is short, and often painful. And you always have more to lose -usually someone you love. Be honest about that you need. Try to give them what they need.

But that's the tricky thing. Even when you love someone more than anything in this world, you can't always be what they need. And they can't always give you what you need, if you can even figure out what that is.

I always knew if I fell for a woman, she would have to understand how complicated my work is, and the wide variety of...situations...it puts me in. And, she'd have to be fine with the fact that I'm not exactly Mr. Vanilla. The amazing thing about Fi is that she gets it: you can't have a solid sexual orientation as a spy. Not only that, she pushes me to explore what I need, whether it's comfortable or not. Credit where it's due, she hasn't been wrong yet. So, wherever we end up, I’m sure I’ll enjoy it. I’m sure we both will.

~~FIN~~


End file.
